Can someone please get me a Xanax? I just took my kids to a parade!

What great weather we are having this week! I thought to myself.  I think that I will take the kids to the St Pats parade in Des Moines!  Its so nice out, and I know they would have to much fun!  Then after we get done with that we can move right into adult time! I should have known based on the last time I took the kids to a parade that it just gets ugly really fast!  Next time I even THINK about taking the girls to a parade I have requested that Dan punch me directly in my neck!  The fun that the kids have it not even worth half of the anxiety I feel!  I dont know if I you have ever noticed but parades never look nearly as glamorus as they do on T.V.   They alway look so awesome and fun, then you come to Iowa.  Our parades are full of bad clothing choices, people blowing smoke in your kids faces, and garbage everywhere! 

On T.V.

REALITY!

First of all you have to get there about three hours early just to get a good spot, and in the end it doesn't really even matter because all of the slackers do not give two shits that you just sat there for three hours listening to your kids whine and complain that they have to go potty and are bored.They don't care that  you just sat there for three hours yelling at your children to stop running around, because they are so bored to tears they just run around in circles.  They just show up late, straight from the trailer and crowd your area.  At first all of this seems very innocent, but it quickly turns into a war zone! 

Finally the parade begins... you think that you will be able to sit in your chair and let your kids do the work for the candy but you are sadly mistaken if you think that can happen.  I will never forget the first time we took Addison to a parade it was a total nightmare!  She is so laid back and would bend down to pick up a piece of candy and before she could even blink some kid snatced it right out from under her.  At one point all of these kids were getting candy and I look down and see Addison chasing a wrapper!  Poor thing was scrambling for an empty candy wrapper.  It was from that moment on I knew I had to step in and teach my kids how to get the candy they have rightfully worked for.  So I send the girls up to the front and they are constantly being pushed back my 14 year old screaming for beads.  Which leads me to my first point...  when your children are above the age of 10 or 11 they are done with parades.  If they are in their own area without little ones around fine, but when they are standing next to little kids trying to get one stinking piece of candy they need to SIT down or find another place.  They should not be stepping in front of the kids or taking candy from them.  I seriously have to stand out there in the front row with my children and basically barricade an area for them so it is safe for them to pick up one stupid piece of bubblegum.  I look like and idiot!  I do not enjoy doing this, but I have two little girls who are very sensitive and will immediately start crying when someone swipes something from them.  Or look at me in tears when they can not see what is going on and missed a chance for a free find god pamphlet.  On the same note if you do have a little one, they need to know what their "area" is for getting candy.  I have seen kids running up and down the block swiping candy and running it back to their parents and then heading out for me.  Just please make your kids aware of the babies.  Please do not let your kids get greedy and have a million pieces.  I have made my kids give a piece of candy to another child if it was not in their area, and at first it was miserable for them.  But at this parade they did something that made me just about fall over in my chair, and handed the candy to the child that was there first without being told.  Avery was so proud of herself for doing so she looked and me with an ear to ear grin!  That was a much better reward then having a million pieces of candy! 

As long as we are on the topic of candy... is it really that hard to pick up your freaking trash??  I mean really.  Just allowing your kids to throw all of this trash on the ground is just plain ridiculous!!  The streets are always FILLED with trash after a parade, and its crazy!  So many people lack common curtiosy to throw something away when they are  done.  Makes my blood boil just thinking about it. I am trying to teach my kids how to be good citizens.  And when they walk the streets seeing nothing but trash it doesn't really set a good example.

And once again I will say this... GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE!  I swear I see numerous people walking along the parade almost IN it talking on the phone.  I did not come here to watch you talk on your phone.  You look like an asshole.  I can imagine the conversation going something like this..  "hey I cant hear you, what do you have a parade going through there?"  "why yes I do"  Seriously, if you want to talk on your phone go find a spot.  I hate you for doing this and I haven't even met you! 

I am really glad there are not to many parades to attend.  I don't think that I could handle more than one or two a summer.  And yes folks, these are the the times that Dan is just plain lucky to have me!!  I mean without me he would just be able to sit in his chair and enjoy a parade.  Sometimes when I am up there defending my children I look back and he is no where to be found.  I always seem to lose him somewhere between my complaining about everyone and everything around me, and my defensive linebacker stance to hold the other kids off!  I have no idea why!  I don't think he will ever appreciate how smart I really am!

What does it really take to be a good friend?

I know that we were all taught at a very young age what it means to be a good friend at a very young age.  I see Addison coming home with notes all the time about being kind, honest, reliable, and having patience.  But now that I am approaching 30 years old I feel like a LOT of people missed that memo!

When you were 6 your friendships with people were all about who could get outside first.  You didn't have to worry about if your friend was talking about you behind your back, or what they were going to post about you on Facebook.  It was all about who got to the swings first.  If you had a cool hat and glove set.  That was a true friend.  Even when you were six you knew that if someone cut in line in front of you, or made fun of your backpack that you didn't want to be around them.  You came home and told your mom that.  And when it came time to write out Valentines you asked your mom if you could skip that person.  I'm hoping that your mom told you that you need to write one anyway because it "the right thing to do" 

When you were 14 there was a WHOLE different class of friendship.  It was about surviving.  About being the COOLEST you could be.  If your mom bought you the coolest jeans and shoes than you were the BEST!  And if she didn't you did your best to get by.  (my mom has shopped at Goodwill my whole life, and being a mother myself, I am grateful)  It was about who you were going to skate with on the moonlight.  And when that person said they weren't going to skate with you, it was about being a good friend to the heart broken girl who felt like their whole life was over.  Letting your friend listen to the saddest song ever made and telling them you know how they feel.  Talking to them about your first kiss, and how you felt.

When you were 21 the best friend you could have had was about who held your hair back.  The person who let you  have a one night stand, but then the next day asked you what in the hell you were thinking.  It didn't matter if they thought the guy was a DOG, they were just there to pick you up in the morning.  The didn't care how shitfaced you got the night before, and what mean shit you said.  Because they couldn't remember what happened either. 

To me those simple things mattered.  That's how I knew what a good friend was.  To me Being 30 years old I need more than someone to hold my hair back or tell me my mom is cool is.  I need a FRIEND.  I need Honesty, reliability, respect, patience, forgiveness.


I used to be the girl that had a MILLION friends.  I could call and talk to anyone. But now that I am married with children... there are very few people that I would even consider a friend.  There are people that I am talk to about my kids, there are people I can talk to about work, there is my husband who get most ALL of the shit I want to talk about.  And then there are my FRIENDS!

At 30 a friendship seems to become a little more complicated I guess.  I recently went out to the bars with a few "friends"  there was no one to hold my hair back, there was no one to tell me my outfit was "not cool" enough.  To be honest with you there was NO ONE.  So I just wanted to talk a little about good friendship quality's.  Things to me that I want in a friendship.

Reliability:  A true friend is someone you can rely on.  Someone that will answer your calls when at 12 am when you have had a few drinks and are living on the edge and want to talk to someone about how stupid your husband is.   Someone that will answer your call  at 4am when your Grandma died and you don't know how to handle it.  Someone that knows that what you are going to say before you say it!

Honesty:  Someone who is going to tell you how stupid you are even when they know it will hurt your  feelings.  Someone who will tell you that you that you made a really bad parenting move even when you don't want to hear it.  Someone that will disagree with you even when they know they hate that you HATE when people disagree with you.

Respect:  A true friend is someone that respects the person that you are.  They respect you enough to not leave you at a bar.  They respect your decisions, even if your  wrong.  They stand behind you.  If you hate someone, then so do they. (this is something I have struggled with, but I am working on it)  They respect you enough to know that when you have a "tiff" you are still friends in the morning.  You just FINIAL LY agree to disagree!

Patience:  A true friend is patient with you.  They know you are crazy, and they let you be that way. They  are patient with how annoying you are.  And they KNOW the things that trip your trigger and they try to avoid them.  Having patience with your craziness.  Patience with every time you call for a problem.   Even if it was the same problem you called about before.  Patience to hear about about fricking cute your kids are, or how sweet your boyfriend was. 

But looking back on what I wrote... these are all the things that they taught about in the beginning.  Every person that you were friends with taught you something about life.  They were your friend during that time for a reason.... but NOW, when it isn't about getting to the swings first, having the coolest jeans, or holding your hair back, are they really GOOD friends?  When it comes time to fight.. would they hold your legs back when you are pushing out a baby, would they stand behind you in a divorce, would they treat your kids like they were they own?  I mean would a "good" friend leave you at a bar? 

Are you for real serious?

When you are in line at the grocery store, or out to eat, or taking your kids to school do you ever just look around at other people and think to yourself... ARE YOU SERIOUS?  No, I don't mean what they are wearing or what they look like, just their behavior in public.  I know they make these shows "what would you do?" for outrageous behavior, but what about the small things people do that make you cringe.  The people that have NO manners what so ever.  The people that make you think.  Are you for real serious right now.

I know that I am a little more judgemental on these things than the average person, but I have worked in customer service my whole life and I really do appreciate a nice please or thank you.  I don't mean from time to time.  I mean every single time I check you out, or bring you food.  Or when I hold the door open for you, or pick up your baby's shoe that was lost in aisle nine.  You really have to look at these things to notice that people just do not do this.  Dan and I am drilled, drilled, drilled please and thank you into our girls head from day one.  My four year old says thank you more than most adults that I know.  I mean for god sakes Barney even says please and thank you.  How hard is is to do this? 

I was at the store a couple of weeks ago.  One of those times I was able to go alone!  I was checking out and there was this couple in front of me with a shit load of groceries.  Took the lady a while to check them out, no big deal for me, been there done that.  When it was time to pay they paid with food stamps.  Once again no big deal.  The cashier then says "OK, the remaining balance is $2.15"  They were perplexed as to why they would have to pay money for $400.00 dollars worth of groceries.  Turns out that their Bob Marley Iced Tea was not covered by tax dollars.  I mean,  wasn't my choice as to whats covered and whats not.  I just pay the bill.  So of course the manager is called, and this whole process is really stressing the cashier out. The people just stood there as if it was expected from them to take it off the bill, not even one time offering to pay the money,  In the end the manager just made the tea free, and the people packed up their shit and walked away.  Nothing more said.  I knew that there would be no offer to pay for said tea... but walking away without saying THANK YOU!  ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!!  I know that the employees were just as stunned as I was but then went right back to work.  Because these days that behavior is normal.  I wanted to walk right behind them and smack them.  Would it really be that hard to say thank you?

I was in line at a gas station last weekend, I was behind a few people, with a few people behind me.  I would say that it was slightly busy.  The second cashier comes up and opens up the second register.  And I know that we all know the unwritten rules of this situation... you look behind you and make eye contact with the person behind you.  From there you decide who's need is greater to be next in line.  IE... pregnant ladies, elderly people, people with little ones.  I was not going to move the next register because I was not in a hurry and only had a few things.  The person that was behind me just took that spot at the second register without even thinking twice.  Didn't look to see if anyone needed to get going more than others.  Didn't even make the fake I really care, but don't eye contact.  Just went right up there.  To most people this isn't bothersome, but for me.. the POLITE POLICE it was almost to much to handle.  EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DO THE EYE CONTACT SONG AND DANCE WITH THE NEXT PERSON IN LINE!  If you didn't know... now you know.  Do it.  Its the right thing to do.  If you don't, you look like a fuck face!  I was just thinking ARE YOU FOR REAL SERIOUS?


GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!  Get off your cell phone when you are checking out at the store, ordering dinner, picking up your kids from school, parking your car, walking through the grocery store, well just about anything you are doing.  GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE.  There are a couple of reasons for this rule of mine. 

The first being... I do not want to hear about anything you are talking about.  I do not know you, do want want to know you, and at this point you are holding everything and everyone up.  I know that I am guilty of talking on the phone in the store but have stopped this behavior because it took me three hours to grab a couple of things.  I could not concentrate on what I was doing and found that I was walking around the store five times for one gallon of milk.  I can only imagine how annoying this was for everyone around me, and I don't even have ANYTHING remotely dramatic to talk about.  People have no shame in what they are discussing.  This simply makes me and everyone around you uncomfortable.
Reason number two.. I have had transactions with hundreds of people that go something like this.
Me- "Hi, did you find everything OK?"
Customer-(blah blah blah to friend on the phone)
Me-"The total is $5.06"
Customer- (blah blah blah to friend on phone)
Me-"Here is your change:
Customer-"blah blah blah to friend on phone)
Me- yelling "HAVE A GREAT DAY, THANKS FOR COMING IN.  HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON"

I have checked people out and they have not said one single word.  Do you know how rude that is.  Makes me feel like I am a slave or something.  All you have to do is tell your friend to hang on, or simply call them back after 3 min.   PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!  GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE!

I am by no means the queen of good behavior, being polite, or even saying the right things half of the time, but I do know what it feels like to be a retail worker, or server making min wage trying to do the best you can and have people treat you like absolute garbage.  Just because I don't work in a office, or I'm not a doctor doesn't mean you can be rude as hell to me.  And just because you are an adult doesn't mean that you don't have to use your manners.  I would encourage everyone to say one more thank you a day.  Or just one time put your phone down.  Be aware of your surroundings.  Be nice to people.  Be respectful.  Please!  So next time I do not have to look at you and think...ARE YOU For Real Serious?

And just in case you are unclear....
http://users.elite.net/runner/jennifers/thankyou.htm

8 things I wish they would have told me.....

So these are just a few things that I wish someone would have told me about parenting.  They really need to make a handbook for this shit! 




1.  You will never sleep the same again.
        Not only will you not sleep for the first 3 months of your childs life, you will never be able to sleep right agian.   Every cough, wiggle, or snore will wake you up.  Even when you are away from your children.  And you can forget ever sleeping in again.  When your kids beging to get slightly self sufficient they will still wake you at a very unreasonable time.

2.   You will love your second, third.... child just as much as you love your first.
         When I was pregnant with Avery I often had thoughts about how I could ever love her nearly as much as I loved Addison.    Then I started havaing anxiety attacks because what kind of mother would ever think this?  I just didnt think it would even be possible to love Avery because I love Addison SO much.  Of course all of these crazy thoughts went away the moment I laid eyes on Avery.  You have enough love for all your kids!



3.  You will deal with poop in some really weird places. 
        So right before we were set to have Avery we started potty training Addison.  This was not my brightest idea when I was nine months pregnant, but I really wanted to ger her out of diapers.  So this one day she was playing with play dough.  After she was done I started cleaning up, and found what I thought was a little ball of it in my bed room.  It was brown, but I didnt think anything of it.  Picked it up, smushed it only to find out that it was indeed poop.  So that was one of my finest moments with poop.  But other than that ... there is poop all over clothes, in hair, in the bathtub.  Addison actually went poop in her trash can for a while.  (Dont worry we took care of this behavior) I had NO clue that raising a child would require so much SHIT (literally)!



4. You will never want to show your face in your local grocery store again.
          I feel like I should definitely be banned from the HyVee here in town.  The girls have pulled so much shit there.  And thank god that they wanted to make it ten times worse for parents by having those fucking tiny carts and those huge car carts.  I just really want to write someone a letter who thought that was a good idea.  Avery looses her damn mind whenever placed in front of these tiny carts.  And when I have both girls you can FORGET it.  I am praising someone above when we walk in and all the carts are gone.  Its like you need to have a blinker on your ass when you turn corners with the car carts.  Avery has lost all privileges to the tiny carts for the stunt she pulled a couple of months ago.  We are walking through the store and all of the sudden she starts going absolutly crazy!  She was ramming the carts into peoples heels, and running as fast as she could through the store.  She then proceeded to put anything and everything she could think of into her cart.  One of the items was an actual pork shoulder roast.  After this rampage I got down to her level and told her to knock it off in my nicest (Im in public) voice.  After she still choose this behavior I did something I never thought that I would do.... I spanked her in public.  After the spanking she she took her tiny cart and manhandeled it and dumped it over.  I blame all of this on someones choice to puts those carts in stores.

(this is not my child...but just think how cute you think he looks!)

5. People will never stop talking abtout the differences between boys and girls.
        Since I have two girls I think this is just an open dicussion for people to talk about the difference between having boys and girls.  Its like a go-to topic, like hows that weather.  I do not want to talk about the difference.  Because I have NO clue what the difference is.  I only have two girls, and only have sisters.  I would not have a clue what to do with a little boy. So would you
 please stop telling me the difference. 

 



6.  You can forget taking a shower of going to the bathroom alone again
          I feel like this probably changes as the kids get older... but for now, if  im in there doing my buisness then it is just a free for all for the whole family to come on in.  Including the cats.  (Dan does not usually partake in this get-together.)  Then while minding my own buisness trying to go number 2, they have to audacity to say... "Yuck mom, you stink"  Well my dear children.  I dont ever recall inviting you in here.  How can you come in the bathroom while I am trying to do my own thing and yell at me because my poop stinks!  This one gets me everytime!



7. When reading books to your child you will skip pages. 
           I know that I am putting myself out there by saying this..... but yes I skip pages.  Especially if its a really long book.  Some books just take way to long to get through.  I however can not do this little trick anymore because Addison knows how to read. 


8.  Kids loose their damn mind the SECOND you take a phone call
          When I take a phone call, the girls think that it is a free for all in this house.   This is about the time when they get into the bathroom and start dumping shit down the toilets  and sinks.  The last time Avery put a WHOLE roll of toliet paper down the sink.  It was clogged for days.  The best is when they get into the creams and makeup.  Addison also pulled a good one when she put thirty band aids on her body. 

I love my girls with all my heart!  And love being there mom... but there are just sometimes that drive you a little crazy!  That's just part of the deal! 

Being Fat

Being overweight is something that I have had to deal with pretty much my whole life.  Its a problem that I have always had to think about.  My first memory about being concerned about this was in 7th grade. I was going through that time when you are first getting your period and your hormones are pretty much crazy and for girls they kinda blow up.  Looking back, and now having my own kids and seeing other kids it pretty much happens to every girl.  I wish someone would have informed the 7th grade boys in my class.  I would have to say that I was pretty much tortured in middle school about being overweight.  It was the worst time ever.  I feel bad for kids that are in middle school these days.  I know what it was like to be made fun of and looked down upon because I was different looking that other girls. So, thanks a lot to all you assholes who tried to make me feel bad about myself!  Thanks for pretty much giving me a huge complex my ENTIRE life about being overweight. But this blog is NOT about me being a victim.  This is about me being a survivor and a warrior!

Let me tell you a little something about being fat.  It just all around sucks.   First of all there are NO cute clothes.  I think it is just assumed that if you are fat you want to wear looney tunes sweat shirts and pleated jeans.  I know there are stores like Layne Bryant, but I cant really afford to shop there.  I mean I just got a computer for gods sakes.   I myself am more of a Walmart, Target shopper.  When I do find something that is reasonable to go out in public in they charge an extra $2.00 because its a bigger size.  Way to give us fatties more of a complex!  I mean how would YOU feel seeing the same shirt in the Ladies section and looking at your size and its more money.  I mean am I really using $2.00 more fabric?  And why do I only have five things to choose from? The jeans that I do find are just ridiculous.  They are either WAY to long because someone of this weight should not be this short, or they are way to small around the waist.  Reason one for the weight loss is because I have stopped caring about looking cute.  I just wear things that fit, and this mostly consists of sweats and t-shirts.  I need to have some cute clothes in my life!  This my friends is why I have 200 pairs of shoes and purses.  Because they always fit, and look cute.   

When it comes to food, its pretty much over.  My dad was a chef so I was introduced to a lot of different food growing up, and I have NEVER met a food I didn't like.  Well I take that back.  I don't like bananas, and cooked carrots.  But that's about it.  I love meat, seafood, pasta, fruits, veggies.  I like good food, I love Chinese buffets, well lets be honest I love any kind of buffet.  So when I started this journey on Jan 1 I was not having a good time.  I was constantly thinking about food, and when I was going to be able to eat next.  I have finally realized that food was consuming my life.  I ate when I was hungry, I ate when I was bored, sad, mad, happy.  Now that I have been doing this for a month I feel like I have freedom.  I can eat the meals that I am supposed to and have a couple of snack and call it good for the day.  I have found a lot of good healthy food that is good for me and tastes good. And its feels really good feeding the kids healthy food.

I have tried every diet under the sun.  Its really ridiculous what women do to lose weight.  Cabbage soups for ten days, Alli which costs a lot and makes you poop your pants, starving yourself, eating only meat, eating only veggies.  I could go on and on.  But in the end the only think is going to make you healthy and lose weight is to eat right and exercise.  I wish there was some miracle pill or diet that would work but there just isn't.  And the sooner I face the facts the better off I will be.

This is me on Halloween!  NO NECK!!!!!!!

This is the neck I want back!!!!

So, I will not let people bring me down.  Or make me feel bad about myself because I know that I am doing the best that I can.  I will not beat myself up when I eat something bad or when I don't go to the gym.  Next time when I go to the gym I will try to do five min on the elliptical even though it feels like my legs are falling off.  I will also be treating myself to an Mp3 player when I lose forty pounds, because I really need to have Britney in my routine!   I WILL find my neck!

 I also wanted to let everyone know that I invested in a HyVee Recyclable bag, and it is currently going to be my new gym bag!! 

Welcome To Boone, Iowa

I have had such a wonderful week. I was on vacation all week and was able to take some time to work on myself.  I have been to the gym five days this week and I am starting to feel great.  I got my hair cut, and I love it.  But just as you start to feel great there in the impending doom of knowing that Monday morning I will have to return to a job that I hate with people I hate in a town that I HATE!!!

I have lived in this town for about five years, and I can not wait to move!  The following is a list of people that I have encountered in my time living here.  These are just descriptions of generic people and in NO way resemble anyway that I REALLY know.  ;-)

Meet Defensive Darla.   Darla thinks that she is HOT shit!  She loves to boss people around and treat them like absolute crap.  Darla did not go to high school, she is WAY worse at spelling than I am! ( and that's pretty bad)  She writes hearts as the tops her her I's.  I mean don't you just hate people that do that!  When you ask Darla how her day is.... she responds with "Why would you ask me something like that, what do you mean by that!"  But people just let Darla do what she wants, and lets her act this way.  And when you do try and defend yourself or stick up to Darla she starts screaming and being totally unreasonable.  Darla can not have a reasonable conversation about ANYTHING.  And when Darla greets you she call you hun, sweetie and chicki.   I HATE Darla.  Darla is good friends with Bad Breath Babette, and Lazy Lanette (don't worry you will meet those two later)  and then when they get back from going out, Defensive Darla talks about them up and down.  But to their face they are back to sweetie, and hun.  I would rather poke my eyes out than have a encounter with Defensive Darla. 

Next comes Bad Breath Babette.  She at least holds employment, but she has not brushed her teeth in about 25 years.  She smokes 700 hundred cigs a day and drinks about 900 cups a coffee a day.  So you can paint your own visual for how these teeth must look.  What makes Babette the BEST is that she is a close talker.  You can honestly taste her breath in your mouth, and when you move away Babette thinks that she needs to get closer.  She has NO social cues AT ALL!  Babette needs a lot of attention.  She has a constant need to be praised and LOVES to talk about herself.  She is afraid of Defensive Darla so even though she is really mean to her Babette just goes along with it.  She has got to be one of the most annoying people that I have ever met in my life!

Now I don't have quite as much to say about Lazy Lanette.  Just that she is lazy.  She still holds employment, but doesn't really like to do much when she is there.  I'm not sure if she really understands what WORK is.  It is actually really a place where you go to do WORK and get paid for it.  But she is the least of my problems.  At least she doesn't count her money out in pennies to buy cigs.  She has a bank account.  She is way different than The world owes me Owen. He is a real pain in my ass.

The world owes me Owen is on food stamps.  (this is not a debate about food stamps, I think they are a fine tool for people that NEED them, not abuse them)  Owen tries to buy energy drinks with his food stamps.  When he buys cigs he has to ask the cashier to borrow 23 cents because he doesn't have enough money to feed his habit.  He thinks that he should be able to smoke and not have to work.  He never has his ID card to buy his smokes.  And then gets mad when people will not sell him smokes.  Because he thinks that the world owes him, and should know that he is old enough to buy them.  Owen doesn't shower much because honestly he doesn't really have much going on.  He just needs to drink and smoke pot.  So why do you really need to be a functioning member of society when you can borrow money from people.

I really could go on and on but I will stop here for now.  The nice thing about this world is that there are so many different people in it.  That's what makes the world go round, if we were all the same it would be pretty boring.  But that sure as hell doesn't mean that they don't annoy the shit out of you. 

Getting Skinny

Well as most of you know I have been on a RAMPAGE to lose this weight!  Its proving to be a lot harder than I would have ever thought.  Its not so much the eating healthy because I have found some really good food. Its the exercising that I HATE!  And its not so much the act of doing it, its how STUPID I look while doing it!

I started out at first doing the Biggest Looser Wii game at home, and this was fine for a while, when I could do it ALONE.  So one day last week I was getting my workout on!  I had the Hello Kitty radio with my LMFAO cd playing and I was really getting into it.  Then Dan came home with the girls.  In a great effort to lose this weight I just kept going.  And for those of you that know me, know that our house is REALLY small!  Our living room is just not meant for me to be working out in with everyone home watching.  So, Dan is standing there just watching trying to wait till I am done.  Avery is to my right dancing her ass off and Addison is just staring, im sure trying to process what the hell I am doing.  And then it happened! A picture actually fell off the wall! Everyone is looking around trying not to make me feel bad, Avery goes "Mom, a picture fell of the wall"  And then I knew it was time to get a gym membership. 

So, this would bring me to yesterday.  I got up and felt really good about heading to the gym but then I think to myself.  I have nothing I can wear in public.  Head to Walmart to get some of those really cute workout pants.  Yea... not such a cute look for me, and I cant find a shirt that is big enough.  I start getting frustrated and just want to head home, but then I tell myself this is why you are doing this so you can have shirts that fit.  I just pick out some pants and remember that I have a shirt on that I could wear.  So buy the pants and a new sports bra, and some new headphones because there are rumors of tvs on the treadmills, and head on my way.  While driving over I remember that I have not had anything to eat today.  How am I going to do a workout without any food.  Once again ready to head home and give up, I decide to swing though McDonalds.  I know this is not a good option, but I did good and just got a yogurt and a grilled chicken wrap.  Still not the best but I really just wanted to scarf down ten Bic Macs.  Sitting in the car eating before going into work out is just as stupid as it sounds.  But I knew that I would have to have some food to continue.  Walk into the gym with my Walmart sack of all my new things.  And think to myself the number one thing you should have bought was a gym bag because I know that I looked like a fat person that just joined a gym in Jan because of the new year.  I mean thats what I am lol.  Ill get the bag before I go back,  Boost my confidence a bit,  Get changed, take off my sweat shirt only to relize I have three huge stains on this shirt.  Well its the only shirt that I have, so I must continue.  A last I see the TVs on the treadmill and go directly towards them.  Get on start walking and a guy comes to get on the one next to me.  I say to him, only because I feel so uncomfortable oh were you using this one.  Im so sorry I can get off lol... well no he isnt using this one.  Thats why he got on the one next to me.  To use that one.  So he gets started and his isnt working and all the others are full.  And once again because I have three huge stains on my shirt and pants that are a little to tight and a Walmart sack to hold my stuff in I go oh is yours not working?  You can have mine,  Ill get off and you can have this one back. What in the hell is wrong with me,  He just said that he didnt have that one and now I am offering to give mine up completly.  Almost because I felt like he was more deserving of a workout because he had been doing it for so long, and he had a gym bag,  And looking back on the situation im pretty sure that I was probably screaming because I had my cool new pink ear buds in.  Ugggg make it though the workout and now its time to tan.  And this tanning bed could not be anymore anti fat if it tried.  Get ready, get in the bed, pull the top down and it doesnt adjust.  Its just all or nothing.  The top of the bed is pretty much touching my boobies.  Im just very thankful that tanning is something you get to do alone. Come out.  Gather my Walmart sack and hold my head high and head home.

And here I am today writing this, getting myself all worked up thinking that I have to do this all over again.  But I will, and this time I dont have to wear a stained shirt, and I can find a bag thats cool.  I will do this day in and day out until I am able to get to my goal weight!

To everyone else doing the same thing just keep trucking along!  We will get there!

Facebook... What are you trying to do to me?

The following is a PERSONAL opinion.  I am not speaking for anyone else, and understand that not everyone is going to agree with me.  This is my blog, that's why I am writing what I think.  Don't make this into something that its not, and start being an asshole.  Its just an opinion.


Facebook!  My oh my how things have changed since I was going to high school.  And I have always told my friends how fricking grateful I am that there was no Facebook around when we were in high school.  I feel sorry for these kids that have to deal with just another form of being bullied.  But that's not really what I wanted to talk about today.  Although if you do see any of this stuff going on, I would hope the adults would do something about it.

What I want to talk about is the idiot adults on Facebook.  People that seriously can not control themselves.  I mean lets face it EVERYONE is so much cooler on Facebook.  People are the BEST parents on there, people have the RIGHT to judge you,(if you right about the following things... I will judge you.  I have no choice and for that I am sorry) people talk about stuff that I really just wish they would have kept to themselves, hell I'm sure people are pretending to be in a relationship when they are not.  Even I'm a bit cooler on Facebook.  Just because I say that I'm taking the girls to a movie one Sat does not mean that we have ever done that before or will ever be doing it again.  I am the BEST parent on Facebook.  If people only knew what really went on here.... although I do feel like I try to be honest than most people.  lol. 

These are a couple of things that I would like to see people stop doing.  Just for my sanity.  If you fall into one of these categories then you really need to re evaluate you Facebooking.  PLEASE for the sake of everyone involved. 

Please stop saying that parenting is fun all the time.  I love my kids and love being around them.  But for me it just doesn't seem healthy to be around your kids 24/7.  And no I am not trying to get into the debate of if stay at home moms are better or not.  For me, I would be the worst stay at home mom ever. Stop posting articles that say people with kids are better than people without kids.  People without kids are better than people with kids.  Peoples lives are just different.  Doesn't make one persons better than anyone else.  But when you constantly put it in peoples face.... its....well...its pretty annoying.   I could really care less if you have 10 kids, or 0.  Its my choice to have kids.... and its your choice to do whatever you want with your life.  But if I have to hear about your perfect kids and your perfect parenting skills anymore... you may just find yourself on the delete list.

Please do NOT use facebook to say something indirectly mean about someone so when they log on they will have to see that you are talking about them.  If you have something to say to someone, just say it.  Its mean.  Your an adult, use your words and talk to the person directly.  I have done this before, but then realized that its pretty stupid and pathetic. If you continue to do this... you may find yourself on the delete list.

PLEASE, and I mean PLEASE stop talking about your looser boyfriend/girlfriend.  This one is especially irritating for me.  I find it very hard not to comment on these posts, and what I comment would be really rude.  I just CAN NOT take this anymore.  If your boyfriend/girlfriend is a looser then break up with them.  Its just not right that everyone on your friends list has to hear about your looser relationship.  We get it, you don't like the person.  You have made it very clear that they make you made.  But why cant you get this?  I think you should take a look at all your posts and read them out loud. If you have to change your relationship status more than once a week to single, then you really need to think about what you are doing.  If you continue to have this behavior, you will probably find yourself on the delete list.

Last but NOT least.  Please stop saying how perfect your life is.  When you constantly say that you
are great, and you have a great life, and a great house, and a great husband/wife, and perfect kids, I start to wonder who are you trying to convince?  Me or you?  If you have to say every single day that you have the best life, then I'm pretty sure that you don't.  Sure the constant I love my husband/wife it totally fine.   But please stop going on and on about how perfect everything is.  Because we both know that just isn't true.   Continue... you guessed it DELETE!

Facebook is not a place to live out your high school dreams of being popular. Just be yourself.  You don't have to lie, and be mean to people to make them like you.  Facebook should be a place to share ideas and connect with friends.  Not a place to cut people down to make yourself look better. 

On a side note!
Diet is going good.  I can not lie to you guys, I did not make it this weekend.  I may have had a bit to much wine.  But I did go back yesterday, and I brought a Fareway bag this time.  After having people ask me if I bought a gym bag I think I will continue with the plastic bags.  Makes me think of the people supporting me!  And that makes me happy!