So these are just a few things that I wish someone would have told me about parenting. They really need to make a handbook for this shit!
1. You will never sleep the same again.
Not only will you not sleep for the first 3 months of your childs life, you will never be able to sleep right agian. Every cough, wiggle, or snore will wake you up. Even when you are away from your children. And you can forget ever sleeping in again. When your kids beging to get slightly self sufficient they will still wake you at a very unreasonable time.
2. You will love your second, third.... child just as much as you love your first.
When I was pregnant with Avery I often had thoughts about how I could ever love her nearly as much as I loved Addison. Then I started havaing anxiety attacks because what kind of mother would ever think this? I just didnt think it would even be possible to love Avery because I love Addison SO much. Of course all of these crazy thoughts went away the moment I laid eyes on Avery. You have enough love for all your kids!
3. You will deal with poop in some really weird places.
So right before we were set to have Avery we started potty training Addison. This was not my brightest idea when I was nine months pregnant, but I really wanted to ger her out of diapers. So this one day she was playing with play dough. After she was done I started cleaning up, and found what I thought was a little ball of it in my bed room. It was brown, but I didnt think anything of it. Picked it up, smushed it only to find out that it was indeed poop. So that was one of my finest moments with poop. But other than that ... there is poop all over clothes, in hair, in the bathtub. Addison actually went poop in her trash can for a while. (Dont worry we took care of this behavior) I had NO clue that raising a child would require so much SHIT (literally)!
4. You will never want to show your face in your local grocery store again.
I feel like I should definitely be banned from the HyVee here in town. The girls have pulled so much shit there. And thank god that they wanted to make it ten times worse for parents by having those fucking tiny carts and those huge car carts. I just really want to write someone a letter who thought that was a good idea. Avery looses her damn mind whenever placed in front of these tiny carts. And when I have both girls you can FORGET it. I am praising someone above when we walk in and all the carts are gone. Its like you need to have a blinker on your ass when you turn corners with the car carts. Avery has lost all privileges to the tiny carts for the stunt she pulled a couple of months ago. We are walking through the store and all of the sudden she starts going absolutly crazy! She was ramming the carts into peoples heels, and running as fast as she could through the store. She then proceeded to put anything and everything she could think of into her cart. One of the items was an actual pork shoulder roast. After this rampage I got down to her level and told her to knock it off in my nicest (Im in public) voice. After she still choose this behavior I did something I never thought that I would do.... I spanked her in public. After the spanking she she took her tiny cart and manhandeled it and dumped it over. I blame all of this on someones choice to puts those carts in stores.
(this is not my child...but just think how cute you think he looks!)
5. People will never stop talking abtout the differences between boys and girls.
Since I have two girls I think this is just an open dicussion for people to talk about the difference between having boys and girls. Its like a go-to topic, like hows that weather. I do not want to talk about the difference. Because I have NO clue what the difference is. I only have two girls, and only have sisters. I would not have a clue what to do with a little boy. So would you
please stop telling me the difference.
6. You can forget taking a shower of going to the bathroom alone again
I feel like this probably changes as the kids get older... but for now, if im in there doing my buisness then it is just a free for all for the whole family to come on in. Including the cats. (Dan does not usually partake in this get-together.) Then while minding my own buisness trying to go number 2, they have to audacity to say... "Yuck mom, you stink" Well my dear children. I dont ever recall inviting you in here. How can you come in the bathroom while I am trying to do my own thing and yell at me because my poop stinks! This one gets me everytime!
7. When reading books to your child you will skip pages.
I know that I am putting myself out there by saying this..... but yes I skip pages. Especially if its a really long book. Some books just take way to long to get through. I however can not do this little trick anymore because Addison knows how to read.
8. Kids loose their damn mind the SECOND you take a phone call
When I take a phone call, the girls think that it is a free for all in this house. This is about the time when they get into the bathroom and start dumping shit down the toilets and sinks. The last time Avery put a WHOLE roll of toliet paper down the sink. It was clogged for days. The best is when they get into the creams and makeup. Addison also pulled a good one when she put thirty band aids on her body.
I love my girls with all my heart! And love being there mom... but there are just sometimes that drive you a little crazy! That's just part of the deal!
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