I will be the first to admit that when I found out I was pregnant with Avery it was slightly crazy. Dan and I had not known each other for long. Maybe 3 months. ( I will save that for another post) I also had Addison. She was not even 2. I had NO clue what I was doing. Dan had no clue what he was doing. He had two cats, and took really good care of the, but was that enough? I know now neither of us were ready for this roller coaster ride we were about to go on. Avery was a wonderful pregnancy, I wouldn't say that I loved it, but I have seen a lot of women have a much worse time. When it was time to have her I was EXCITED! I was ready to share this love with Dan. We were ready to meet her!
Look at me! Excited about giving birth! It was going to be awesome! But after about the first 12 hours, things started going south. She was being stubborn, she was just not ready to meet Dan and I. But they just kept me going. After 24 hours, I knew something was going wrong. Addison had been so easy. Why in the hell was this so hard? I just kept chugging along, walking the halls, in and out of the tub, on my back, on my side. And honestly up to that point, one of the only things I remember was that I was STARVING! I was ready to be done. I needed food. Avery needed to meet us. After 35 hours, I knew something was terribly wrong. We could hear her heart beat going down. I BEGGED to have a C section, they said not yet. Keep going.
I myself couldn't breath. I was giving up. I felt as if I just could not do it anymore. They told me I had one more chance to push, if she didn't come, I was going in for a C-Section. I thought to myself. I have gone this long, tried this hard, and I knew a cheese burger was in my future, I had to meet this child. After three hours of pushing, she decided it was time to make her appearance. It was such a whirlwind. She was sick, I was sick. I asked to hold her, they said she needed to go. We only got one picture in that moment. Looking at this picture makes me cringe. I don't even think she was breathing. She was taken to the NICU at Mary Greely, I still at this point thought everything was going to be fine. But I was tired. I needed food and sleep. After I woke they said she was getting worse. She had pneumonia, and so did I. She was not doing well. They were going to try and manage it for a few more hours, but they were going to have to make a choice. Dan had left for not even a half an hour to get Addison when they came in and told me that she had to be taken to Blank Children's Hospital. I was a WRECK! I was in shock. How could this be? What had I done wrong.
They discharged me 18 hours after having her. We had to go to Des Moines. I needed to be with her. I was sick, swollen and in shock. Upon arriving to Blank we walked in to what I like to call a horror show. I had never seen anything like this. They told us to make calls. Get people here. She was not long to be with us. I was dying inside. I told Dan there was no way I would be able to live a life without her. I had just carried her for nine months. He told me, "You have no choice. If something happens to her you still have to be Addison's mom, you still have to be my wife." Dan was strong. I was a complete mess!
2 weeks went by. Dan and I just kept taking turns visiting this fire fly. All the time looking at her numbers. We knew when she was having good days, we knew when things were going bad. I was not able to hold her, feed her, or even talk to her. Avery was a rock star. I had to feed her through a tube, wake up in the middle of the night to pump, with no baby. But days turned to a weeks, and after 2 agonizing weeks I was able to hold her. It was amazing.
Every single day things got better. They said she would be there for months. Her lungs were clearing up, but it was going to be a slow process. Avery was going to prove them wrong, and she did. Day after day Dan and I returned. Tubes were removed, she was more alert. She was awesome!
After 1 month, they said it was time. Time to head home! They said she was going to die. She said NO. The They said she had to stay for months. Avery said 1 month. She was the little engine that said she could, she would and she did.
Her life has been nothing but easy. She struggled with eczema, allergies, and constantly being sick. She is allergic to everything. We decided to start doing allergy shots, which was terrible for both of us. 3 shots a week. We have been doing this for almost 2 months. She has been amazing!
Three weeks ago we scheduled Avery to have surgery to have her tonsils, adenoids, and tubes put in her ears. I was almost making myself sick about this. The thought of my baby going in for surgery made me cringe. I knew that it was the right thing to do and that it was going to help her, but lets face it, we as parents do not want to have to do these things. I was just thinking about all the pain she was going to be in, and what if something went wrong. Even now that its over it makes me anxious writing about it. I hated it! But I was once again in awe of just how damn strong my little fire fly is. She was scared, she didn't want to go, I didn't want to see her go. I just could not think of doing this again. And it was sad, and there were parts that sucked. I hated watching her go through it.
They surgery seemed to take years, in reality it was about a half an hour. When they brought her back they said she was going to be irritable and weird, and she was. She was crawling on my head one minute, and sleeping the next.
Why did I even think she would have any problems having this surgery. Why in the world would I have ever thought she was going to nothing less than awesome. She has endured have a million ear infections, and her tonsils basically touching every day! Her hearing was so bad, it was as if she was living under water. She has been getting three shots in her arms for almost 10 weeks, and suffered from eczema her whole life. She is a fire fly. She is challenging, and smart, and funny and awesome!
And she helped me be awesome. She helped me not have so much damn anxiety all the time. She helped me be a rock star!
She did fine, and was eating a full meal the same night. She didn't want pain meds, and just wanted ice water. We got through it. She was amazing, and wanted nothing more than to go back to school. And she did. Just 4 days later. The ONLY thing the fire fly complained about was that everything was to loud.
She is one of the strongest ladies I know. I am amazed that I am her mother! I am lucky to be her mother! She is nothing short of a miracle. She is a fire fly. She is the little engine that could, would, and will not stop.
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