I know that we were all taught at a very young age what it means to be a good friend at a very young age. I see Addison coming home with notes all the time about being kind, honest, reliable, and having patience. But now that I am approaching 30 years old I feel like a LOT of people missed that memo!
When you were 6 your friendships with people were all about who could get outside first. You didn't have to worry about if your friend was talking about you behind your back, or what they were going to post about you on Facebook. It was all about who got to the swings first. If you had a cool hat and glove set. That was a true friend. Even when you were six you knew that if someone cut in line in front of you, or made fun of your backpack that you didn't want to be around them. You came home and told your mom that. And when it came time to write out Valentines you asked your mom if you could skip that person. I'm hoping that your mom told you that you need to write one anyway because it "the right thing to do"
When you were 14 there was a WHOLE different class of friendship. It was about surviving. About being the COOLEST you could be. If your mom bought you the coolest jeans and shoes than you were the BEST! And if she didn't you did your best to get by. (my mom has shopped at Goodwill my whole life, and being a mother myself, I am grateful) It was about who you were going to skate with on the moonlight. And when that person said they weren't going to skate with you, it was about being a good friend to the heart broken girl who felt like their whole life was over. Letting your friend listen to the saddest song ever made and telling them you know how they feel. Talking to them about your first kiss, and how you felt.
When you were 21 the best friend you could have had was about who held your hair back. The person who let you have a one night stand, but then the next day asked you what in the hell you were thinking. It didn't matter if they thought the guy was a DOG, they were just there to pick you up in the morning. The didn't care how shitfaced you got the night before, and what mean shit you said. Because they couldn't remember what happened either.
To me those simple things mattered. That's how I knew what a good friend was. To me Being 30 years old I need more than someone to hold my hair back or tell me my mom is cool is. I need a FRIEND. I need Honesty, reliability, respect, patience, forgiveness.
I used to be the girl that had a MILLION friends. I could call and talk to anyone. But now that I am married with children... there are very few people that I would even consider a friend. There are people that I am talk to about my kids, there are people I can talk to about work, there is my husband who get most ALL of the shit I want to talk about. And then there are my FRIENDS!
At 30 a friendship seems to become a little more complicated I guess. I recently went out to the bars with a few "friends" there was no one to hold my hair back, there was no one to tell me my outfit was "not cool" enough. To be honest with you there was NO ONE. So I just wanted to talk a little about good friendship quality's. Things to me that I want in a friendship.
Reliability: A true friend is someone you can rely on. Someone that will answer your calls when at 12 am when you have had a few drinks and are living on the edge and want to talk to someone about how stupid your husband is. Someone that will answer your call at 4am when your Grandma died and you don't know how to handle it. Someone that knows that what you are going to say before you say it!
Honesty: Someone who is going to tell you how stupid you are even when they know it will hurt your feelings. Someone who will tell you that you that you made a really bad parenting move even when you don't want to hear it. Someone that will disagree with you even when they know they hate that you HATE when people disagree with you.
Respect: A true friend is someone that respects the person that you are. They respect you enough to not leave you at a bar. They respect your decisions, even if your wrong. They stand behind you. If you hate someone, then so do they. (this is something I have struggled with, but I am working on it) They respect you enough to know that when you have a "tiff" you are still friends in the morning. You just FINIAL LY agree to disagree!
Patience: A true friend is patient with you. They know you are crazy, and they let you be that way. They are patient with how annoying you are. And they KNOW the things that trip your trigger and they try to avoid them. Having patience with your craziness. Patience with every time you call for a problem. Even if it was the same problem you called about before. Patience to hear about about fricking cute your kids are, or how sweet your boyfriend was.
But looking back on what I wrote... these are all the things that they taught about in the beginning. Every person that you were friends with taught you something about life. They were your friend during that time for a reason.... but NOW, when it isn't about getting to the swings first, having the coolest jeans, or holding your hair back, are they really GOOD friends? When it comes time to fight.. would they hold your legs back when you are pushing out a baby, would they stand behind you in a divorce, would they treat your kids like they were they own? I mean would a "good" friend leave you at a bar?
